When Self-Care Brings Up Guilt (and What to Do About It)

If you’ve ever tried to take time for yourself and felt that wave of guilt rise up — you’re not alone.

Maybe it sounds like, “Who am I to rest when everyone else still needs me?” or “I should be doing something more productive.”

For years, I felt that too. Even when I knew self-care was important, part of me still believed that taking care of myself was somehow wrong — selfish, even.

But what I’ve learned through my own journey is that guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something bad. It often just means you’re doing something new.

How I Started to Unravel the Guilt

The biggest shift for me came when I started learning about The Adult Chair® Model by Michelle Chalfant.

As a Certified Adult Chair® Master Coach, I’ve used this model with clients for years — but it started changing me long before I ever started teaching it.

The Adult Chair is like a manual for how to live from your healthiest, most grounded self — what we call the Healthy Adult.

It’s made up of three “chairs”:

- The Child Chair — where your emotions, creativity, and joy live.
- The Adolescent Chair — where fear, control, and people-pleasing show up as you try to fit in and keep the peace.
- The Adult Chair — the place where you live in the present moment, rooted in truth, compassion, and emotional awareness.

The problem? Most of us spend our lives bouncing between the first two chairs — reacting, overgiving, and seeking approval — without realizing we can choose differently.

Recognizing My Patterns

Once I started understanding my own patterns, I could finally see what was really behind my guilt.

It wasn’t that I didn’t deserve rest or care.
It was that my adolescent self still believed her worth came from taking care of everyone else first.

Every time I tried to put myself on the list, that younger part of me panicked — worried that someone would be disappointed or that I’d be seen as selfish.

That awareness changed everything.

Feeling the Guilt — and Moving Through It

One of the pillars of The Adult Chair® Model is feeling your emotions — not avoiding or shaming them.

So the next time guilt bubbled up, instead of pushing it away, I did something simple: I felt it.

I placed my hand over my heart, took a deep breath, and said to myself,
“I feel you, guilt.”

Then I tuned in and noticed where I felt it in my body — for me, it was often in my chest. I intentionally breathed into that space, letting my awareness and breath move through it.

The feeling would usually pass within a minute or two, softening as I gave it space instead of resistance.

Sometimes, from that calmer place, I might gently remind myself,
“I’m safe. I’m allowed to take care of myself.”

And then, from my Healthy Adult, I could make a choice:
“Yes, I’m still going to my yoga class.”
“Yes, I’m still taking that walk.”
“Yes, I’m still going to rest.”

The guilt didn’t disappear overnight, but I learned to move through it — instead of letting it run the show.

A Simple Practice for When Guilt Shows Up

Here’s what I invite you to try the next time guilt creeps in:

1. Pause. Take a slow, intentional breath.
2. Place your hand over your heart. Feel where the guilt lives in your body.
3. Acknowledge it. Whisper, “I feel you, guilt.”
4. Breathe into that space. Let your awareness and breath soften the feeling.
5. Take your next step — the walk, gentle yoga, or quiet cup of tea — anyway.

This is how you begin to process your emotions, retrain your nervous system, and step into your Healthy Adult.

Reflection Prompt

Take a few minutes to journal on this:
When guilt shows up around taking care of myself, what is it trying to tell me?
What would my Healthy Adult say in response?

Remember, guilt is just an emotion. It doesn’t define your worth — it’s simply an opportunity to choose a new way of being.

Remember, you’re worthy of your own care and attention.

— Theresa